I Touch Myself
by milyko88
Summary: A sexually frustrated Bella wakes from a dream and finds comfort in her fantasies.


_Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not own Twilight._

Bella huffed out a breath, annoyed with her boyfriend. Edward had just left through her open bedroom window to go hunting. She was not irritated that he had to leave her; she knew he needed to feed. It was the way he left her that pissed her off. Who kissed a girl like that, got her all worked up and ready to jump his bones, then pulled away, and left? Edward. That's who. It was not the first time it happened, and Bella was sure it would not be the last.

Edward refused to touch her. Half the time he refused to do more than give her a peck on the lips. He claimed it was for Bella's own safety. He did not want to lose control and hurt her. Bella lived for the brief seconds when Edward lost himself, before he regained control over his emotions. Those where the times that he gave in and really kissed Bella or unconsciously touched her body in a way that made Bella's heart rate speed up. Of course, that would be when Edward regained a sense of what he was doing and pulled away, leaving Bella more unsatisfied than ever.

That is what had happened tonight. Edward had let his resolve slip. He kissed Bella harder than ever and pressed his body closer to hers. Bella responded in kind and Edward tensed. He pulled away quickly, gave Bella a brief kiss on her forehead, and then slipped out the window, all before Bella could ask him to stay.

Bella groaned and buried her head into her pillow. She hated when Edward was away, especially knowing that a certain red-headed vampire was hunting her. Bella comforted herself with the thought that Edward would be home tomorrow night. In the meantime, Emmett and one of the wolves would be outside her house, protecting her in case Victoria attacked. Bella was asleep within minutes.

_Bella shivered as cold hands slid down her arms and stopped at her waist. Cold lips pushed against hers. A soft moan escaped her lips as the hands slid up her sides towards her breasts. Bella's bottom lip was drawn into an icy mouth and she gasped as an equally icy tongue slithered across her teeth. Goosebumps erupted on her skin as a thumb brushed against her nipple. Bella's eyes opened and she gazed into Edward's eyes. Black eyes. Hungry eyes. He needed to hunt, to feed. Edward's cold knee pushed Bella's legs apart and settled between them. Bella closed her eyes as Edward trailed icy kisses from her lips to her jaw and down her throat. Bella waited for the bite, the quick pinch then the warm flow of venom through her veins that would end her human life._

_Suddenly, Bella was on fire! Flames danced upon her skin as his hands trailed down her torso. Heat pressed upon her from above. This was not the feeling of venom passing through her. This was caused by the man towering over her body. He seemed bigger. His presence was stronger and Bella was drawn to his warmth. She lost control as he pressed hot open mouth kisses down her neck to her collarbone. Bella's hands traveled all over his upper body as she tried to draw herself closer to him. His body felt different to her. Besides being overly hot, it was more muscular and larger than she was used to. Warm hands ran across her stomach and stopped hesitantly at the waistband of her pajamas. "Please," Bella begged. A second later, a hand plunged into her underwear and she moaned at the sensation of a hot finger circling her clit. Bella gasped and opened her eyes, meeting the black gaze of the hungry eyes belonging to the man on top of her. The hungry, lust-filled eyes of her best friend, Jacob Black._

Bella gasped as she sat straight up in bed and looked around. She was alone. No Edward, no Jacob, no one. She relaxed back into her pillows as she thought about her dream. Edward had lost control and it felt so good until his hunger took over and Bella became afraid of getting bit. At that point, though, Edward had transformed into Jacob and that was when Bella had lost control. Jacob did not pull away like Edward would have and that excited Bella even more. Even thinking about it now, Bella was aroused. She could feel her panties getting wet and a deep need was building inside her. Bella rubbed her thighs together hoping for some relief.

What was she doing thinking of Jacob like that? Edward was her boyfriend. Her handsome, perfect boyfriend. Her boyfriend who would not touch her, who would not let her get out of control, who constantly left her unsatisfied. In fact, Edward made Bella feel unwanted, like she was not good enough to compromise his morals for. Jacob never made her feel that way. Jacob was always touching her, hugging her, holding her hand. He made her laugh and smile. Jacob made Bella feel good about herself. He made her feel confident and sexy. She knew the way Jacob looked at her, like there was no one else in the world he would rather be with. Bella knew the effect she had on Jacob. She had felt the way his body responded to hers when they were close to each other. She had pretended not to notice so Jacob would not feel uncomfortable, but now she could not stop thinking about.

What would it be like if Bella let her guard down and tried to love Jacob? Would he hold back like Edward did? She doubted it. Jacob was not like that. He would dive in head first, put everything he had on the table and let Bella decide what she wanted to do with it. In a way, he already had done that. Bella knew Jacob loved her, that Jacob wanted her. Was it so bad to want him back?

_Yes_, Bella told herself. _I'm dating Edward. I can't think about Jacob that way._

Oh, but she wanted to. Right now, that was all she wanted to think about. Jacob's hands on her, his kiss upon her skin, the feel of him in between her legs.

_Why not think about it?_ Bella decided. _It's not like I'm actually going to do anything with Jacob, but I can fantasize, right?_

Bella thought back to her dream, how Jacob's hand had snuck into her underwear, how his finger had circled her clit. It had felt so good. Bella closed her eyes and let her own hand travel down beneath her clothes to her bundle of nerves.

Bella had touched herself before, but she had always thought of Edward. This time was different, new somehow. She found herself getting wetter as she thought about Jacob. His warmth, his kisses, his everything. She imagined his lips pressed hungrily against hers. His hand groping her breast. His fingers tweaking her bud, causing her to moan.

Bella's own hand was on her breast now, squeezing, rubbing, pulling at her nipple as her other hand moved slowly towards her moist, hot center.

She could picture Jacob tugging her nipple into his mouth while he slipped a single digit inside her. Bella moaned again. It felt so good. She moved her finger in and out of her silky channel wishing it was Jacob's hand making her feel this way and not her own. She messaged her other breast now, twisting and pulling the nipple, digging her nails into it, pretending it was Jacob's teeth nibbling at her. A second finger inserted itself inside of her, making Bella moan louder. She curled her fingers slightly hitting a spot that made her breath catch and her heartbeat increase. She was so close.

In her mind, Jacob's face was lined up with her center now, two fingers working rapidly inside of her. He darted his tongue out and flicked her clitoris. Bella gasped at the feeling, her other hand now rubbing her bundle of nerves. The thought of Jacob between her legs, licking, and sucking at her, was too much too handle. She came quickly, gasping out Jacob's name.

When she came down from her high, Bella thought about what she had just done. She did not feel dirty, like she normally did when she thought about Edward while touching herself. In fact, she felt even more curious. She wondered if doing those things with Jacob would feel as good as she thought they would. A tiny part of her thought they would feel better. Bella pushed that part of her brain away. She should not be thinking like that. She was with Edward. She would never get the chance to experience Jacob the way she had in her fantasy. That thought made her unhappy, but she was not going to dwell on it now. It was late and she needed to get back to bed.

Bella rolled over, snuggled into her pillow, and fell asleep, with thoughts of Jacob still in her head.


End file.
